the mechanism of my mind

most of the time i just create reasons to exaggerate my feelings so i can feel sad about it. sometimes i think i'm addicted to sadness. well maybe i kinda am. at times i enjoy the feeling of being able to talk about something poeticly and being to express my thoughts into words because i dont know why, but i cant do it as well as when i'm in a good mood. its like all the words of sorrow and disappointment just flows to my mind and gave me alot of things to think about. compared to when i'm happy, i just think about one thing which is the reason why i was feeling happy that time. wow i sound very emo ._. so anyways, i have a biology test tomorrow yet i'm here talking about sorrow and sadness as if i have a choice, but honestly i'm here just to say how i want to get over this exaggeration. i'm tired of having to feel "this" every time something doesnt go the way how i expected them to be. i know, that its actually my fault. because i kept repeating the same thing over and over and over until god know when, but seriously. the thing about me is that when i expected something to happen, i add alot of "toppings, sugar and ice cream" to it, i know this is pretty normal but it just makes me feel extra bad when the reality says otherwise you know? its like walking on thin ice and doctrine yourself that it wont break while you are aware of the danger and the pain that its gonna bring you if it does break. i just kept repeating it in school, in homeworks and everything else that involves my future. i act as if i have a better choice and overlooked the gigantic fact of "right answer". maybe this is what they call a mid life crisis. i dont know. so yeah. i think i better study now -_-