that feeling

the unknown feelings of weirdness and disturbance. i got no one to blame or even reasons to feel this way, but still i do and am feeling this way. it starts from small things that i tend to exaggerate for entertainment. god why am i doing this to myself. a thousands expressions to put in words but none can actually, precisely, describe this one. i'm in a hotel room right now, thinking about nothing and create my own problems. its not you, its me. it was never you, it was always me. the feeling of care is sometimes brought down by the wonders of my mind. i love you so much but i cant stop thinking that i always do something wrong, for not being able to fulfill all your expectations. you expected so little from me, while i gave you something thats way less than a little. sometimes  you just passed thru my mind and the guilt starts to catch me again.